As I was taking a shower today a strange thought struck me. I had the realization that my recent difficulty in finding a girlfriend (the old one broke up with me) is a very common condition for most men throughout human history.
People who studied the birth rates of the sexes have noticed that the birth ratio is not 1/1 but 105/100 boy/girl ratio on average for all countries and ethnic groups in the world. It seems that because of the violent instinctual tendencies within human kind, it was expected by nature (in her infinite wisdom) that around a certain small percentage of young males that are born are supposed to be killed off before they get a chance to mate with a human female.
Let’s think about how most “advanced” societies in our past work out. Throughout most of human history, a tribe or civilization would often for a time be ruled by a dystopic dictator who would control everything. These societies often led to the male dictator to develop a system where he hordes a group of women to be his sexual mates. He would have his servants who might go around his nation looking for and scouting for really young, attractive girls to join his “harem”. This example of hypergamous behavior is seen in the Islamic civilizations with the Sultans and the Caliphs. It was also seen in the Chinese Emperors and the Indian Maharajas. I remember reading this book years ago about how prevalent slavery has been throughout human history and read about how even 100 years ago, there was still a system of slavery in India. The landowners of a farm basically owned the farmers that tilled their fields. The young daughters of these slaver families would get systemically raped by the landowners and their sons and there would be nothing that can be done against them. This example shows that the landowners can act as mini-emperors of the piece of land that they own, which gets passed down from generation down to generation.
These dictators often made it their life’s goal to also always be at war or conflict with neighboring nations, although sometimes there would be a peace truce signed when it is obvious that both sides could not see a way to gain an overwhelming upper-hand in the conflict to tip the scale to their sides. War is a consistent element in human history. It often felt like there was always some battle or war that the young able bodied men in the society was forced into joining. Think Rome, Sparta, Persia, Greece. You read the history books on these societies and it seems like the overwhelming part of the textbooks on these societies is mainly for documenting dates and events of a battle or war. The ordinary, every day lives of Rome, Persia, and India are not recorded at all. We don’t remember the famous poets, astronomers, and engineers of these ancient civilizations but we do remember the conquerers, the rulers like Alexander the Great, Suleiman, Tamerlane, Cyrus the Great.
Nature in her infinite wisdom has a sort of hidden hand in getting the rulers of a nation to make sure that a certain percentage of young men, who technically is the abundance that nature has programmed into our genetic makeup will never mate or reproduce. They will be sent into the military at an early age of say 12 and then sent out to the front lines to go into battles. It is almost expected that these young boys who are just starting to go through puberty would have the excess testosterone will want to fight, rape, kill and they would actually desire to be in a warring state so that they can vent out their violent tendencies. Obviously a large group of these boys will die in battle. If the men in battle do win, they have satiated their battle blood lust, and maybe also be able to satiate their sexual lusts by “taking” the women of their opponent tribe. It is well established in almost all developed tribes throughout history that the army is almost only consist of just males and the females and the young children of the tribe are supposed to be left behind and spared if their tribe of men losses a confrontation. Only in very unique situations will the females of a tribe also take up arms and fight the incoming armies.
We live in the 21st century in a Western country where hypergamy is actually quelled down. This is a time of abundance, unlike centuries before. We are actually lucky. When I used to complain about my lack of dating success, I did not think in terms of the greater scale and see what is going on the more global scale. I was too focused on my own problems.
If we followed the natural law of our evolutionary design, a certain percentage of men would be systematically eliminated from the gene pool for each generation.
Let’s remember a recent article that was posted on sciencedaily.com that showed that basically of the European/White ethnic groups and people all seem to have come from 1 bronze age tribe leader. 99.999% of all the humans that could have ever existed in history did not.
Sometimes I read on the struggles and vents written on the online forums and discussion boards by short and socially awkward men on how difficult it is for them to find a girlfriend, wife, or get sex. I can now be comfortable in replying to their lamentations with the claim that if we were living even 500 years ago, they would probably have been killed off already because their conquest-lust kings and emperors would have sent them to the front line of war to fight for his glory and have gotten killed.
This concept that some men have developed in recent years called the “Red Pill” movement who talks about being “alpha” and how humans are evolutionarily programmed to be polygamous seemed that have missed the point. They got the overall idea right but took the wrong message from it.
Only the 1-10%, the top males of a society ever get the chance to be “alpha” or polygamous. Only the top 1-10% of men would attract more than his share of girls. The overwhelming percentage of men in any society will be bad with girls based on the fact that they were born into unlucky circumstances. If you are born to be short, ugly, or poor, you have very little chance of success. Only youth allows for the short, poor male to have a small sliver of opportunity to find a female to mate with. What I have noticed is that as females grow older, they start to put much more priority on the financial ability of a prospective male romantic partner as well as his genetic profile. Younger females have more leeway for men.
I remember reading when I was younger about the Dinka tribes of the Sudan. The Dinkas are well known to be particularly tall. When the first Europeans came and met the Dinka they noted quickly how all the men in the tribes were tall. However, they also noticed that the leaders of the tribes seemed to be taller than the average males of the tribes. This could be explained by the fact that the Dinkas subsist through raising Cattle. The cattle they have is what determines how rich they are. The tribal chiefs have the most cattle, and they drink the most milk from the cattle. In turn, not only do they become taller from their high consumption of oxen milk, they also have more “value” in the ideas of the women in that tribe. I am not sure whether these Dinka tribes are polygamous but I would not be surprised if they are, where the tribal leaders would have multiple wives. Since they have more wives, over time in each success generation, the average height of the tribe increases.
Hypergamy is indeed real, and it describes what happens for only a small percentage of men. At this point in my life, I can fully accept this idea that I am not in that small percentage of men who can have choice in finding a female mate in life to settle down with.
In the western countries currently, the society is based on a idea of tolerance and acceptance of people who would have been considered even 100 years ago to be “intrinsically” inferior. There would be a hug percentage of men who would never ever have a chance to have sex with a woman without paying for it.
That is why brothels and prostitutions have always existed. Prostitutes and escorts have a very important, critical job in each society. They are the ones that ultimately can control the urges of young restless men in their society. Any society that stigmatizes prostitution and makes it illegal is just going to make the overall society more unstable. If we look at older societies, the poorer couplings rarely ever had any formal wedding or ceremonies. Only the richer, more well off clans and families would have some type of large ceremony to celebrate the union of their families/clans. For the lower classes, they are left on their own and given no rules on how they get together.
This idea that there is a woman out there for each men is not true. It is mathematical fact that because of the 105/100 ratio and the recent peaceful era of human evolution which has not truncated the excess males in a society that at least 5% of the males of that society will never find a life partner to be with. They can still use their hard earned money to buy sex but the general society and the people in it will never accept the idea that it is okay for these “below-average” men should be married and fully accepted into society.
The poor young man who is short is expected to wait on his taller masters for his entire life and the best that he could hope for is to maybe catch the eye of the short girl female servant of the rich family and maybe couple with her and have children and hope of the best of the successive generation. The story of how Aladdin was able to catch the eye of the princess of the nation he lived in is based on fairy tale and myth, a one of a million occurrence. In fact, it required magic itself to give a poor humble street person like Aladdin to charm the princess. Women in a society rarely ever marry down, unless there is truly something very special about that particular man.
Let’s think about how during certain times of chaos and difficulty, the leaders of the society will try to promise their tribesmen that they will all get their share. When the Great Depression struck the USA after 1929, FDR came along and promised to the Americans that there will be a Chicken in each pot of every house. (Edit: turns out that particular quote was from FDR’s predecessor Herbert Hoover back in 1928. However the general idea is the same.) The USA was born out of certain ideals that are completely different from civilizations and tribes that have been around for much, much longer and suffered and grown cynical from the ravages of centuries of war with each other. If you talk to most people who come from a country in Asia or Africa, they would tell you that the ideals and values which the USA was born out of is “unrealistic”. Technically they are right. Equality is impossible. Some men will just get the short end of the stick.
For men who are born and grow up to be short, they are at a clear disadvantage. Height matters, and it matters big. We are actually not doing too bad. It could have been much worse for us. We might already be dead now and never even had a chance to kiss our first girl.
(Major Edit: The phenomena we currently see in China will only exacerbate the dating problem for young men of that country. The last we checked with the census bureau, the ratio for boy/girl was closer to 107/100, with that ratio being particularly bad in the rural areas. Decades of selective gender engineering and girl abortions will lead to a demographic problem that will not be fixed. Are chinese men getting desperate in their search for a girlfriend/wife? Do they ever blame their own parents or their cultures preference for sons for their dating woes? What can they do about this issue?
We need to remember this study performed a decade ago which showed that couple who are not well off in terms of resources would more likely have girls than boys. This seems to be again nature’s intelligence in realizing that females are much smarter, safer genetic investment than males during times of famine and difficulty. It makes me wonder about this: Since the entire world is becoming slowly more and more well off, does that mean that we are just going to naturally cause that boy/girl ratio to slide to become more scewed? Would that lead to more problems, or has the modern era of tolerance and abundance managed to quell the violent nature of humans enough?