Should You Tell A Person You Are Dating That You Had Limb Lengthening Surgery?
I recently found out that a new discussion board was created from former members of the Make Me Taller Community. They are now at LimbLengtheningForum.com
I haven’t given much time to looking over their discussions and threads but there was a sort of interesting little thread started. Apparently someone linked to another thread started on the Reddit website entitled “I (M24) have had cosmetic leg lengthening to make me five inches taller. Is this something I should tell my girlfriend (F24)?”
The guys’s situation is very interesting and seems to be a very valid issue that people who are considering the surgical method for increased height to consider. He went from an initial height of 5′ 7″ to 6′ 0″. The 12.7 cm of longitudinal increase in the person’s femur and tibia is something that is unheard of even among online community of people who actually pull the trigger and go through with the surgeries.
I took the liberty to upload the picture of his posting from the Reddit website.
The thread has not been closed but there was over two dozen responses from all different types of people. Most of them did take the time to think over the issue and give them own biased opinions over what this person should do.
My Short Answer
Don’t tell the person you are dating. Who you were back then is no longer who you are now. If you are going to be spending so much money and time dedicated to reshaping your body, especially to change something that should NOT be malleable like height, then you might as well learn to accept your new body. It is absolutely true that due to genetic luck (or lack of it) your growth plates stopped maybe a little too early or you did not get the type of long bone longitudinal growth you might have wanted. That was what nature intended for you.
Of course, since we are very clever creatures which can create tools to make our lives better, we decided to defy nature and choose modern technology to give us something which nature would not give us.
If instead of surgery you somehow went through a dramatic growth spurt to give the same amount of height increase, would you feel any issue over the need to tell the person that you went through that growth spurt? Analogously, it would be the same as people who would rather let their own bodies fight off cancer using holistic herbal methods instead of give their bodies to the surgeons and chemotherapies which will cut into their bodies.
The reason you would ever even go through with Limb-Lengthening Surgery is because you could not accept the idea that you were going to stay at that height for the rest of your life. Your identification as a man who would be permanently below average in height was to you unacceptable so you decided to change that.
You have now gone through with the surgery, and become 5 inches taller, to become slightly above average in height. That is your new identity now. Forget about who you were once before, and live your life as who you are right now.
My Much Longer Answer
The only thing that would cause anyone to ask the question is over the emotion of guilt, and feeling bad over the idea of lying to another person. Of course the lying is not blatant, but through the omission of not telling the person something specific. Some people call it a half-lie. They are not being completely, fully honest to the other person.
Some things need to be kept to themselves. When it comes to the subject of sex and sex related topics people have a right to keep those things to themselves, and do whatever they want to do in the privacy of their own homes. That is what makes them happy. Why should they feel any type of social obligation to share their personal quest and endeavor with other people?
Cosmetic Surgery Considered From A Different Cultural Perspective
As I had said before, I live in the Gangnam area of Seoul. In terms of all the places in the world, this location I have been living in for almost a year and a half now has the highest concentration of people who have willingly gone under the knife for cosmetic surgery than any where else. Per Capita, it is extremely high. I can’t go outside of the street without seeing someone who have had Botox. My landlord who is a 50 years old female has gotten Botox multiple times and had her nose and eyebrow ridge done. Where I live, cosmetic surgery is normal and even promoted.
Of course, based on American standards we could say that the reason any person goes through with cosmetic surgery is because they are not happy with how they look. They have some type of hidden & strong insecurity which they can’t get over. We give them shame, gossip about them, and possibly make them feel worst about themselves when they “supposed” already feel bad about who they are already. Way to go us.
However, based on the modern Korean standard, many young kids who think getting cosmetic surgery is a positive thing think that it is a form of self improvement. In a culture which values on continuously improving oneself, similar to the Japanese concept of Kaizen, it might be argued that getting cosmetic surgery is just another way to improve oneself. In this case, improving one’s appearance.
I know plenty of people who go online to buy Nootropics to improve their cognitive abilities, and try different ways to biohack their bodies. They are trying to improve their bodies. Why is it that some people can accept almost all other forms of self improvement methods except cosmetic surgery? Why do people have something against the idea of using surgery to improve oneself cosmetically/appearance wise?
The Real Question Not Answered
Of course the other big question is “Are we lying to the person we are dating or in a relationship with by not telling them that we have had cosmetic surgery?”
At the most simplest level, if we were to be completely honest about the situation we are lying.
However, as anyone who has some level of awareness of the human creature & is mature through life experience would understand, we as humans with our flaws can not paint the world as black and white, 1s and 0s. There is a lot of gray zones and there have been century long debates about ethics and morality. The wise person would realize that morality is something that is relative. While most cultures might agree that there are big taboos like man-slaughter, rape, incest, and cannibalism (or even maybe homosexuality as recently stated in the Supreme Court of India), even our most sacred taboos and mores can be broken in unique cultures and countries which don’t practice our belief system. What 99 people out of 100 would say something is completely wrong, the other 1 person out of 100 would say it is okay.
We have these unique psychic tools known as Ego Defense Mechanisms, specifically Rationalization & Justification. Ultimately, if we were to be completely objective about it, it doesn’t matter matter if the person doesn’t tell the person they are with. If they do not tell the person, they will find a way to use Rationalization and Justification to make their decisions and actions acceptable to themselves.
We have to find a way to live with ourselves. We are going to be using Rationalization to justify our actions so that we can move on with our lives. The emotion called guilt may exist, and for a long time, but usually that guilt diminishes as we learn to maybe forget our past actions just long enough to make it to the next day. Most people want to believe that they are good people, but have weaknesses and flaws. We believe what we want to believe. We do the best that we can with the limited resources we do have.